I had my 20 week scan. It was strange, it was the first scan I've gone to where I knew that the chromosomes were normal. Yet I was still going in with that familiar nervous feeling. The 20 week scan, also known as the anomaly scan, nerve inducing. I wish I could be one of those people for who scans are an exciting event, and something to look forward to. They never will be unfortunately, scans are there to monitor the baby, and the placenta, and make sure everything is going as it should, they're not just designed as a nice treat to get to see your baby wriggling around in there.
It's strange, that week that I found out, it was the first time I was able to properly start to think about the probability that I might have a baby joining us this year. I then had to focus on finishing the first part of my placement, and get my research project completed. The research project was due on 22 April, and I put very little effort into properly getting going with it until after I had my results, and began to work on it then, as my head was just not in the right place at all before that point. So I was a lot behind most people, and although it was due on 22 April, and I had got the results on 25 March, I needed a rest! So the first few weeks after placement I allowed myself the break too. I planned to push through to get it all completed in the week beginning 15 April. Then on 18 April into the following day I started to get concerned that something was wrong, I'm not sure what it was, that was week 17 of my pregnancy, and week 15 was when I first felt kicks, or, well, movement at least. However the movement wasn't very strong, and I hadn't felt a lot over those few days, and was really starting to feel like there was a something wrong. I think it was rooted in part to the anxiety over the possibility of something else going wrong, despite the chromosomes being fine. So I called the midwife unit, and they advised that I go in, so off we trotted in.
Once we got there we were seen fairly quickly, and I was getting more concerned given my past experience of having something wrong and going in. They asked a few questions, then got a doppler out to check for the heartbeat. Couldn't find it. I asked her what it should sound like. She said "That's yours. Like that. But faster." Still couldn't find it. Pressed down quite a lot with the doppler. Still couldn't find it. Then she said she didn't want to stress me out any more, and needed to find out if there was anyone who could scan me. I hadn't realised it was a bank holiday. Great. Left the husband and I to stress and worry and panic and try to and fail to rationalise. Thankfully we were able to be scanned, and it turned out everything was fine, we didn't get any photos from that scan, but she took some head measurements because baby was lying in a good position to do so. Headed home, then contacted uni to ask for an extension, as I knew I wouldn't be able to focus. Thankfully I had already spoken to uni about everything, so they were really understanding. I got my extension until the following Monday 28 April. Great, I really didn't want to need an extension, but everything up to that point had been so incredibly stressful, and although I had had those results that had removed pregnancy stress, it meant that I was able to stress about uni, which meant that I wasn't really able to do uni. Until I got some pregnancy stress back. Then I got my uni work done. Fab!
It was only a couple of weeks later that I had my anomaly scan. Well, it turns out it was a good thing that I had gone in on 19 April, as they asked when my next scan was, and I explained that I hadn't yet had an appointment letter. I think because of the nature of my pregnancy, the usual protocol for requesting my anomaly scan wasn't followed in case the CVS results weren't what we expected, and whoever was supposed to request it once those results came in missed it. Simple mistake, and I was just pleased that we caught it. I probably would have called in week 19 asking why I hadn't received an appointment letter yet, had we not been in. Anyway, they had a look through available appointments around the 20 week mark, and they were able to take me in during week 19. If I'm honest, I was a little disappointed that it wasn't during 20 weeks, because I wanted more growth and optimal measurements, but then, I don't really know how important that actually is.
So 2 May 2019 I had my anomaly scan. First thing we saw was the spine. It was sooo cool!! The sonographer apologised for not being able to get a lovely photograph for us, but I don't know what she was talking about, we got a photograph that most people don't get, with the spine in amazing detail, instead of a fuzzy outline of a head, or arms and feet. I mean, that would have been lovely too, but it was just lovely to get to see quite so clearly how well developed the baby's bones are, as our first baby had (among other things) a cleft palate, so it was just another piece of evidence that things look good. I was leaving and mentioned that I was quite sad that it would be my last scan. The monographer said that I should be thankful that it would be my last scan, as they will only ask me to come in for more if I have something wrong. So that was a lovely way to think about it, but it does mean that if I need to go in for a further scan, I'm going to be even more stressed. However, fingers crossed.
Then I had to get through three weeks of placement to finish off my course, and at the end of those three weeks I had just one more day to get through of uni, and I was done! More importantly though, the week after I finished up at uni, I got to the important week 24. The point where they consider the baby viable if it was born early. Obviously still far too early, and I would be terrified if anything was to happen at that point, however I was very pleased to get as far as there, and had been really nervous getting through those final weeks of placement. Thankfully I still passed that!
So I got through more than half of my (incredibly stressful and intensive) PGDE with a (what was initially considered) high-risk, stressful pregnancy, and passed all the elements that I had to first time. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Now onto the next challenge. No, not motherhood, finding a temp job while obviously pregnant! If I don't meet that challenge, well, the one after that is one that I'm very much looking forward to!
