I had my 20 week scan. It was strange, it was the first scan I've gone to where I knew that the chromosomes were normal. Yet I was still going in with that familiar nervous feeling. The 20 week scan, also known as the anomaly scan, nerve inducing. I wish I could be one of those people for who scans are an exciting event, and something to look forward to. They never will be unfortunately, scans are there to monitor the baby, and the placenta, and make sure everything is going as it should, they're not just designed as a nice treat to get to see your baby wriggling around in there.
It's strange, that week that I found out, it was the first time I was able to properly start to think about the probability that I might have a baby joining us this year. I then had to focus on finishing the first part of my placement, and get my research project completed. The research project was due on 22 April, and I put very little effort into properly getting going with it until after I had my results, and began to work on it then, as my head was just not in the right place at all before that point. So I was a lot behind most people, and although it was due on 22 April, and I had got the results on 25 March, I needed a rest! So the first few weeks after placement I allowed myself the break too. I planned to push through to get it all completed in the week beginning 15 April. Then on 18 April into the following day I started to get concerned that something was wrong, I'm not sure what it was, that was week 17 of my pregnancy, and week 15 was when I first felt kicks, or, well, movement at least. However the movement wasn't very strong, and I hadn't felt a lot over those few days, and was really starting to feel like there was a something wrong. I think it was rooted in part to the anxiety over the possibility of something else going wrong, despite the chromosomes being fine. So I called the midwife unit, and they advised that I go in, so off we trotted in.
Once we got there we were seen fairly quickly, and I was getting more concerned given my past experience of having something wrong and going in. They asked a few questions, then got a doppler out to check for the heartbeat. Couldn't find it. I asked her what it should sound like. She said "That's yours. Like that. But faster." Still couldn't find it. Pressed down quite a lot with the doppler. Still couldn't find it. Then she said she didn't want to stress me out any more, and needed to find out if there was anyone who could scan me. I hadn't realised it was a bank holiday. Great. Left the husband and I to stress and worry and panic and try to and fail to rationalise. Thankfully we were able to be scanned, and it turned out everything was fine, we didn't get any photos from that scan, but she took some head measurements because baby was lying in a good position to do so. Headed home, then contacted uni to ask for an extension, as I knew I wouldn't be able to focus. Thankfully I had already spoken to uni about everything, so they were really understanding. I got my extension until the following Monday 28 April. Great, I really didn't want to need an extension, but everything up to that point had been so incredibly stressful, and although I had had those results that had removed pregnancy stress, it meant that I was able to stress about uni, which meant that I wasn't really able to do uni. Until I got some pregnancy stress back. Then I got my uni work done. Fab!
It was only a couple of weeks later that I had my anomaly scan. Well, it turns out it was a good thing that I had gone in on 19 April, as they asked when my next scan was, and I explained that I hadn't yet had an appointment letter. I think because of the nature of my pregnancy, the usual protocol for requesting my anomaly scan wasn't followed in case the CVS results weren't what we expected, and whoever was supposed to request it once those results came in missed it. Simple mistake, and I was just pleased that we caught it. I probably would have called in week 19 asking why I hadn't received an appointment letter yet, had we not been in. Anyway, they had a look through available appointments around the 20 week mark, and they were able to take me in during week 19. If I'm honest, I was a little disappointed that it wasn't during 20 weeks, because I wanted more growth and optimal measurements, but then, I don't really know how important that actually is.
So 2 May 2019 I had my anomaly scan. First thing we saw was the spine. It was sooo cool!! The sonographer apologised for not being able to get a lovely photograph for us, but I don't know what she was talking about, we got a photograph that most people don't get, with the spine in amazing detail, instead of a fuzzy outline of a head, or arms and feet. I mean, that would have been lovely too, but it was just lovely to get to see quite so clearly how well developed the baby's bones are, as our first baby had (among other things) a cleft palate, so it was just another piece of evidence that things look good. I was leaving and mentioned that I was quite sad that it would be my last scan. The monographer said that I should be thankful that it would be my last scan, as they will only ask me to come in for more if I have something wrong. So that was a lovely way to think about it, but it does mean that if I need to go in for a further scan, I'm going to be even more stressed. However, fingers crossed.
Then I had to get through three weeks of placement to finish off my course, and at the end of those three weeks I had just one more day to get through of uni, and I was done! More importantly though, the week after I finished up at uni, I got to the important week 24. The point where they consider the baby viable if it was born early. Obviously still far too early, and I would be terrified if anything was to happen at that point, however I was very pleased to get as far as there, and had been really nervous getting through those final weeks of placement. Thankfully I still passed that!
So I got through more than half of my (incredibly stressful and intensive) PGDE with a (what was initially considered) high-risk, stressful pregnancy, and passed all the elements that I had to first time. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Now onto the next challenge. No, not motherhood, finding a temp job while obviously pregnant! If I don't meet that challenge, well, the one after that is one that I'm very much looking forward to!
Wednesday 12 June 2019
Monday 1 April 2019
15 March 2019
15 March 2019
Preliminary results came in for the CVS. I had a phone call at 15:48, it was Lesley, the senior midwife who had been there for the CVS procedure. She advised that the baby had two copies of each of chromosomes 13, 18, and 21. The QFPCR (I had to google it... Quantitative fluorescent polymerase chain reaction) results are the early results that just look at the common trisomy chromosomes. So yeah, the best news we could hope for at that stage. I have looked into how they perform QFPCR, from some very quick googling, and it seems that it highlights where 13 is, so there should be two and no more. I'm hoping that it would show a partial trisomy, and again, some quick googling and reading of three or four scientific papers has told me that some partial trisomies have been picked up in the past by the test. So there's that...
By 24 March 2019 I was getting more and more stressed about the results, I had avoided going to my usual exercise class on the Thursday night, usually a massive stress relief for me, but I couldn't face it. I had avoided coaching on the Saturday, mostly because I couldn't face it, and also because I had an assignment due on the Monday morning as part of my Catholic Teaching Certificate. So the Sunday, I was pretty stressed. I had barely slept all week, I wanted all of the chocolate and all of the wine and none of the healthy food that my husband was preparing for me. Unfortunately there's a limit to how much caffeine you can have during pregnancy so I couldn't have that much chocolate, and definitely couldn't have the wine! I couldn't focus on my assignment either, and writing it was going really badly.
The hub was out that Sunday night, a semi-leaving do, as he was moving locations with work. So I had to go to pick him up, and probably could have finished my assignment in the time that it took to get him and two others, and drop the additions home before heading home ourselves for about 22:30. It wouldn't have been very good though. I had a massive meltdown that night. I felt quite guilty about having that meltdown, he'd come in from a lovely night out, he had booze in his system, and there I was crying and snotting all over the place about how I couldn't do it anymore, there was too much stress coming at me from all angles, I couldn't cope, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do it anymore. I'm not sure what my alternative was, but there you go. I made the decision that I was far too stressed to go to placement the following day, or to finish my assignment that night. I knew it was due at midday, so I had time in the morning to tidy it up. Once I calmed down I did write more, but when I re-read it I realised that it made absolutely no sense, and therefore it made no sense for me to continue with it then. So off I went to bed, with the plan that I would get up, phone school to say I wouldn't be there, contact uni for the same, finish my assignment and submit it, and then, and only then would I phone the hospital to chase for results.
25 March 2019
I handed that assignment in at 11:08, and at 11:13 I called the hospital. A phone call that lasted 7 minutes.
The person who answered the phone initially said that CVS results would be available that afternoon. I then asked to clarify that my results would definitely be part of that, I said that when I had my preliminary results I was told the full results would be "at the end of next week, or early the following" and as it was already early the following I just really wanted to know if I was going to get them that day, or the Tuesday, or the Wednesday... She asked me to hold for a moment and passed me on to the midwife on the ward at the time. The midwife said that she had not initially realised I was calling for full results (most people who have CVS don't do it for the same reasons we did, and the full karyotype just gives extra information, but they've already had the good news.) She asked me my name, and explained that she would have to log in to another email to get that information. I wasn't surprised at that, I used to work in admin, and all the different generic emails make sense, but can at times be frustrating. So it took her a while to get that opened, then scroll through the emails to find one relating to me. I was in the living room at the time, sat on the sofa with my laptop next to me. When she asked me to repeat my name and confirm my date of birth I realised that she had the information there... Terrified and excited and nervous were three of about one hundred emotions coursing through my body at that stage. As I walked through the living room door she said she needed to read it to herself before explaining it to me; I stumbled up the stairs, and through our bedroom door to my husband, as I heard and repeated the news that our baby does not have any chromosome issues inherited from it's father. No un-balanced translocation, no balanced translocation. Baby has two full glasses of lemonade, and two full glasses of beer. The relief. It's hard to put into words.
I cried and laughed down the phone, she sounded quite pleased to be able to give me that information (funny that!) and told me that I should relax and have whatever I wanted, be treated by the husband. I told her I really wanted a glass of wine! Her response to that was great... "well, I can't really recommend that, but maybe a glass of fruit juice in a wine glass?" I laughed and told her it wasn't the same, but I might have a tonic water with a slice of lime and pretend like there's gin in it.
Since finding that information out it has been very surreal. It's coming to terms with being pregnant all over again. It's looking over each of our scan photos and getting excited seeing them. It's starting to look at maternity clothes (and not before time, more than half my clothes are ridiculously uncomfortable already!) I screamed when I got off the phone, I cried a lot of happy tears that afternoon. My body had no idea what had hit it. It was definitely the right decision to take the day off placement.
As the stress lifted, the following day, I developed a headache at about lunchtime. I was able to take a few painkillers and got through the afternoon ok, but as I drove home that evening it got so. much. worse. I have never had a migraine like it. We had dinner, which I barely ate. I wanted more food, but when I went into the kitchen I decided I didn't. I wanted a cup of proper tea, but when I went into the kitchen I decided I felt too ill, and I needed tea with ginger in it instead. The husband left for nightshift as I was finishing my tea. The migraine showed no signs of shifting, despite the nap, the food, the liquids, the lack of movement. I made my way towards my bed, and I think the action of walking upstairs changed something, and I felt really close to throwing up. (I very very rarely throw up.) I was so scared that because of the stress release my body was suddenly going to develop severe pregnancy sickness. Because you know, pregnancy logic... Anyway, I threw up a tiny bit, walked back and forward to my bedroom a few times, then properly threw up. Then I felt amazing. Don't get me wrong, I still had a pounding headache, but throwing up that chicken biryani left me able to move my head from side to side again! I emptied the bedroom bin and put that by my bed and had the best nights sleep I had had in months.
Once that migraine disappeared entirely (it took until about Thursday) I felt amazing. It still feels a little bit surreal. I mean I've only truly been able to accept that I might have a baby this year for about a week. You know those women who don't find out until they're already into their second trimester and they have less time to get their head round the idea of a tiny human totally reliant on them? Yeah, that's me. I knew, but until I got the full CVS results, I didn't know.
I'm going to miss those weekly scans.
Preliminary results came in for the CVS. I had a phone call at 15:48, it was Lesley, the senior midwife who had been there for the CVS procedure. She advised that the baby had two copies of each of chromosomes 13, 18, and 21. The QFPCR (I had to google it... Quantitative fluorescent polymerase chain reaction) results are the early results that just look at the common trisomy chromosomes. So yeah, the best news we could hope for at that stage. I have looked into how they perform QFPCR, from some very quick googling, and it seems that it highlights where 13 is, so there should be two and no more. I'm hoping that it would show a partial trisomy, and again, some quick googling and reading of three or four scientific papers has told me that some partial trisomies have been picked up in the past by the test. So there's that...
By 24 March 2019 I was getting more and more stressed about the results, I had avoided going to my usual exercise class on the Thursday night, usually a massive stress relief for me, but I couldn't face it. I had avoided coaching on the Saturday, mostly because I couldn't face it, and also because I had an assignment due on the Monday morning as part of my Catholic Teaching Certificate. So the Sunday, I was pretty stressed. I had barely slept all week, I wanted all of the chocolate and all of the wine and none of the healthy food that my husband was preparing for me. Unfortunately there's a limit to how much caffeine you can have during pregnancy so I couldn't have that much chocolate, and definitely couldn't have the wine! I couldn't focus on my assignment either, and writing it was going really badly.
The hub was out that Sunday night, a semi-leaving do, as he was moving locations with work. So I had to go to pick him up, and probably could have finished my assignment in the time that it took to get him and two others, and drop the additions home before heading home ourselves for about 22:30. It wouldn't have been very good though. I had a massive meltdown that night. I felt quite guilty about having that meltdown, he'd come in from a lovely night out, he had booze in his system, and there I was crying and snotting all over the place about how I couldn't do it anymore, there was too much stress coming at me from all angles, I couldn't cope, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do it anymore. I'm not sure what my alternative was, but there you go. I made the decision that I was far too stressed to go to placement the following day, or to finish my assignment that night. I knew it was due at midday, so I had time in the morning to tidy it up. Once I calmed down I did write more, but when I re-read it I realised that it made absolutely no sense, and therefore it made no sense for me to continue with it then. So off I went to bed, with the plan that I would get up, phone school to say I wouldn't be there, contact uni for the same, finish my assignment and submit it, and then, and only then would I phone the hospital to chase for results.
25 March 2019
I handed that assignment in at 11:08, and at 11:13 I called the hospital. A phone call that lasted 7 minutes.
The person who answered the phone initially said that CVS results would be available that afternoon. I then asked to clarify that my results would definitely be part of that, I said that when I had my preliminary results I was told the full results would be "at the end of next week, or early the following" and as it was already early the following I just really wanted to know if I was going to get them that day, or the Tuesday, or the Wednesday... She asked me to hold for a moment and passed me on to the midwife on the ward at the time. The midwife said that she had not initially realised I was calling for full results (most people who have CVS don't do it for the same reasons we did, and the full karyotype just gives extra information, but they've already had the good news.) She asked me my name, and explained that she would have to log in to another email to get that information. I wasn't surprised at that, I used to work in admin, and all the different generic emails make sense, but can at times be frustrating. So it took her a while to get that opened, then scroll through the emails to find one relating to me. I was in the living room at the time, sat on the sofa with my laptop next to me. When she asked me to repeat my name and confirm my date of birth I realised that she had the information there... Terrified and excited and nervous were three of about one hundred emotions coursing through my body at that stage. As I walked through the living room door she said she needed to read it to herself before explaining it to me; I stumbled up the stairs, and through our bedroom door to my husband, as I heard and repeated the news that our baby does not have any chromosome issues inherited from it's father. No un-balanced translocation, no balanced translocation. Baby has two full glasses of lemonade, and two full glasses of beer. The relief. It's hard to put into words.
I cried and laughed down the phone, she sounded quite pleased to be able to give me that information (funny that!) and told me that I should relax and have whatever I wanted, be treated by the husband. I told her I really wanted a glass of wine! Her response to that was great... "well, I can't really recommend that, but maybe a glass of fruit juice in a wine glass?" I laughed and told her it wasn't the same, but I might have a tonic water with a slice of lime and pretend like there's gin in it.
Since finding that information out it has been very surreal. It's coming to terms with being pregnant all over again. It's looking over each of our scan photos and getting excited seeing them. It's starting to look at maternity clothes (and not before time, more than half my clothes are ridiculously uncomfortable already!) I screamed when I got off the phone, I cried a lot of happy tears that afternoon. My body had no idea what had hit it. It was definitely the right decision to take the day off placement.
As the stress lifted, the following day, I developed a headache at about lunchtime. I was able to take a few painkillers and got through the afternoon ok, but as I drove home that evening it got so. much. worse. I have never had a migraine like it. We had dinner, which I barely ate. I wanted more food, but when I went into the kitchen I decided I didn't. I wanted a cup of proper tea, but when I went into the kitchen I decided I felt too ill, and I needed tea with ginger in it instead. The husband left for nightshift as I was finishing my tea. The migraine showed no signs of shifting, despite the nap, the food, the liquids, the lack of movement. I made my way towards my bed, and I think the action of walking upstairs changed something, and I felt really close to throwing up. (I very very rarely throw up.) I was so scared that because of the stress release my body was suddenly going to develop severe pregnancy sickness. Because you know, pregnancy logic... Anyway, I threw up a tiny bit, walked back and forward to my bedroom a few times, then properly threw up. Then I felt amazing. Don't get me wrong, I still had a pounding headache, but throwing up that chicken biryani left me able to move my head from side to side again! I emptied the bedroom bin and put that by my bed and had the best nights sleep I had had in months.
Once that migraine disappeared entirely (it took until about Thursday) I felt amazing. It still feels a little bit surreal. I mean I've only truly been able to accept that I might have a baby this year for about a week. You know those women who don't find out until they're already into their second trimester and they have less time to get their head round the idea of a tiny human totally reliant on them? Yeah, that's me. I knew, but until I got the full CVS results, I didn't know.
I'm going to miss those weekly scans.
13 March 2019
So I had my CVS (chorionic villus sampling) for this pregnancy on 13 March 2019. My husband was on nightshift, so I had to take the bus to the city to meet him. When I lived in Edinburgh I didn't have a car and got the bus all the time. Obviously I'm no longer used to getting the bus, because I realised at 06:33 that I need to pay for said bus, and I don't usually carry cash, because I can contactless everything small!! Bus was at 06:46. Text the hub, he inconveniently called when I was heading out the front door. I ran to the cash machine (further than our closest bus stop) got some moulah, rapido over to the bus stop for 06:41 (thankfully buses in this backwater do give change!) Bus didn't feckin turn up till 06:55!!!
Anyway, once on the bus was texting hubster, and realised I had forgotten my appointment letter. Then he asked if I had remembered my notes! Argh! Clearly I was very stressed about the whole thing. Met him at the bus stop just next to the bypass, and we headed towards the hospital.
Obviously with no appointment letter I didn't know which department to head to. So I go off to find the early pregnancy assessment unit (we've had all our other scans apart from the 12 week in the EPU in the smaller hospital half an hour away.) Turns out my scan isn't there. So we head up to the info point, and someone happens to be signing in as I ask the question - hears my question and says I'm with her, and she'll take me, phew!
She tells me it doesn't matter about the letter, and is surprised that I'm already carrying my own notes, but not to worry.
Then head midwife Lesley arrives and takes us into a separate room to explain the procedure again, she was lovely, but one of the things she said was "and you know the risk of miscarriage is 1-2% and you've accepted that." So that stressed me out. She went off to find our consultant, who had been on nightshift, so was definitely around, but she hadn't yet seen him. She explained that my stomach would be numbed, once on the surface, once below the surface, then a large (she emphasised the large) needle would be inserted, and would act as a guide for the sampling needle, so it would stay in for the duration. She said the sampling needle would go in multiple times (I'm thinking four, but I can't recall entirely, blame the stress for the memory, I don't think I can blame baby brain... yet! :P) We also discussed gender, as the chromosome test can give us gender. I was clear that if there is something wrong with baby, I would want to know gender, however if there is the right amount of each chromosome, I want to make sure that we don't find out. Lesley smiled, noting that it almost gives me something extra to push for when it does get that far down the line. We both feel that we really don't care, we just want it healthy, and it will be a nice surprise either way. Plus, I'm far too superstitious to buy more than the bare minimum for baby before it comes. (the idea of a baby shower to me really doesn't sit well, I respect other people's choice to have one, but I'm unlikely to want to go along to something like that.) So there's really no benefit to knowing the gender, except maybe for helping to name the child.
When we were brought through, Dr. Gordon scanned me to figure out the best site. I think it's standard in my region to carry out CVS abdominally, rather than vaginally, but I'm not sure. I've seen some people on the support group on Facebook stressing because things are happening abdominally due to where placenta is. I think I'd be more stressed if it was happening vaginally, as it would be so much more uncomfortable, and logically, I would think it would be inherently riskier to go that way, as you're puncturing the mucus plug, part of the 'exit route'! Anyway, I was pleased, once again in this pregnancy, that another person was not going to be venturing through my lady garden! That very first scan in January I was sure I was going to need a dildo scan because it was so early.
So, we had that wee scan, and Dr. Gordon explained what was what, I had never realised that the top of the screen was my belly, but he showed that baby was on it's belly, wriggling away, then he moved on to looking at the placenta. I acknowledged that as we get closer to the time of my first miscarriage I get more and more nervous with every scan that we won't see a heartbeat, so I was relieved when he pointed it out. He explained that the placenta was at the back of my womb, but that there was some at the bottom of my womb that was small, and he believed that he would be able to sample enough villi from that.
So off he went, and over the next half an hour (ok, probably 5-10 minutes, but everything feels much longer, doesn't it?) Lesley, a registrar named GG, and Dr. Gordon all came in/back and prepared all the bits and pieces required for the procedure. GG was holding the wand to monitor the needles at all times, Lesley was handing everything to Dr. Gordon, and he was taking the samples, and discussing with Lesley if there was enough taken each time.
They spread a disinfectant/numbing wash over my stomach, well, that was, refreshing!!! (Translation: it was fucking cold!) before starting off, and at that stage I decided to close my eyes. My husband could not hold my hands because of all the people round me, but my hands were, for some reason, scratching both my legs, well, my index finger was sort of scratching my leg, on both sides; I started, I was conscious that I was doing it once I started it, but didn't try to stop myself. I figured it wasn't going to hurt, meh! I did have someone wonderful stroking my hair for the duration, which really helped. I've always been a bit like a dog though, even when there's nothing wrong with me I do love a scratch behind my ears! (My husband, the someone wonderful was my husband, this is the NHS!!!)
And then it was done! GG kept the scanner on to show me (/reassure me) that the amniotic sac still had clear definition round the edges, and I got a wee photo printout of bubs to add to my collection. Dr. Gordon advised me that due to the sample being taken near to the bottom of my womb, it was more likely that I might have some spotting. All the paperwork does warn that you're likely to have some spotting, and also some cramping afterwards, so it wasn't unexpected to hear that. Then was allowed to empty my very full bladder. We made our way very very very very (very) slowly to the car. I did go into the hospital shop for a treat, but decided a treat was not worth the hospital prices! We did go past a Lidl, and I was left in the car while the recommended paracetamol for when the anaesthetic was purchased along with the not so recommended peach loops. Although I was told that I should rest for the next 48 hours and I could have whatever I wanted by Lesley. I stopped myself from telling her that I really wanted a gin!
So the rest of the day was spent on the sofa, napping, television, nothing that will make me either laugh or cry too much. Or anything scary, so basically chat shows and quiz shows. Delightful. I had a call about midday telling me that the lab needed a delivery that there was a delay in receiving, which meant that the early result (looking at the major chromosome disorders, 13, 18, and 21.) might not be available on Thursday, so I may get it on Friday. The full microarray, that will show the full spread of baby's chromosomes, might take around 2 weeks or more. With the chromosomes affected by the husband's BT being 4:13, and trisomy 13 one of the common trisomies that they look at for the early result, I'm hoping the early result puts my mind a bit at ease. However I know I need to wait for the full microarray before I can properly relax. Another thing that will help me properly relax is the pain and cramps going away; although I knew to expect it, it's still disconcerting and worrying.
The strangest thing about it though, is that each morning, the bump shrinks because the muscles had had a rest, and each evening it's bigger as the muscles get tired. Straight after the procedure, the bump had popped right out! My tummy muscles had decided that being stabbed with a ten inch needle was as much as they were willing to take!
And now, we wait.
Anyway, once on the bus was texting hubster, and realised I had forgotten my appointment letter. Then he asked if I had remembered my notes! Argh! Clearly I was very stressed about the whole thing. Met him at the bus stop just next to the bypass, and we headed towards the hospital.
Obviously with no appointment letter I didn't know which department to head to. So I go off to find the early pregnancy assessment unit (we've had all our other scans apart from the 12 week in the EPU in the smaller hospital half an hour away.) Turns out my scan isn't there. So we head up to the info point, and someone happens to be signing in as I ask the question - hears my question and says I'm with her, and she'll take me, phew!
She tells me it doesn't matter about the letter, and is surprised that I'm already carrying my own notes, but not to worry.
Then head midwife Lesley arrives and takes us into a separate room to explain the procedure again, she was lovely, but one of the things she said was "and you know the risk of miscarriage is 1-2% and you've accepted that." So that stressed me out. She went off to find our consultant, who had been on nightshift, so was definitely around, but she hadn't yet seen him. She explained that my stomach would be numbed, once on the surface, once below the surface, then a large (she emphasised the large) needle would be inserted, and would act as a guide for the sampling needle, so it would stay in for the duration. She said the sampling needle would go in multiple times (I'm thinking four, but I can't recall entirely, blame the stress for the memory, I don't think I can blame baby brain... yet! :P) We also discussed gender, as the chromosome test can give us gender. I was clear that if there is something wrong with baby, I would want to know gender, however if there is the right amount of each chromosome, I want to make sure that we don't find out. Lesley smiled, noting that it almost gives me something extra to push for when it does get that far down the line. We both feel that we really don't care, we just want it healthy, and it will be a nice surprise either way. Plus, I'm far too superstitious to buy more than the bare minimum for baby before it comes. (the idea of a baby shower to me really doesn't sit well, I respect other people's choice to have one, but I'm unlikely to want to go along to something like that.) So there's really no benefit to knowing the gender, except maybe for helping to name the child.
When we were brought through, Dr. Gordon scanned me to figure out the best site. I think it's standard in my region to carry out CVS abdominally, rather than vaginally, but I'm not sure. I've seen some people on the support group on Facebook stressing because things are happening abdominally due to where placenta is. I think I'd be more stressed if it was happening vaginally, as it would be so much more uncomfortable, and logically, I would think it would be inherently riskier to go that way, as you're puncturing the mucus plug, part of the 'exit route'! Anyway, I was pleased, once again in this pregnancy, that another person was not going to be venturing through my lady garden! That very first scan in January I was sure I was going to need a dildo scan because it was so early.
So, we had that wee scan, and Dr. Gordon explained what was what, I had never realised that the top of the screen was my belly, but he showed that baby was on it's belly, wriggling away, then he moved on to looking at the placenta. I acknowledged that as we get closer to the time of my first miscarriage I get more and more nervous with every scan that we won't see a heartbeat, so I was relieved when he pointed it out. He explained that the placenta was at the back of my womb, but that there was some at the bottom of my womb that was small, and he believed that he would be able to sample enough villi from that.
So off he went, and over the next half an hour (ok, probably 5-10 minutes, but everything feels much longer, doesn't it?) Lesley, a registrar named GG, and Dr. Gordon all came in/back and prepared all the bits and pieces required for the procedure. GG was holding the wand to monitor the needles at all times, Lesley was handing everything to Dr. Gordon, and he was taking the samples, and discussing with Lesley if there was enough taken each time.
They spread a disinfectant/numbing wash over my stomach, well, that was, refreshing!!! (Translation: it was fucking cold!) before starting off, and at that stage I decided to close my eyes. My husband could not hold my hands because of all the people round me, but my hands were, for some reason, scratching both my legs, well, my index finger was sort of scratching my leg, on both sides; I started, I was conscious that I was doing it once I started it, but didn't try to stop myself. I figured it wasn't going to hurt, meh! I did have someone wonderful stroking my hair for the duration, which really helped. I've always been a bit like a dog though, even when there's nothing wrong with me I do love a scratch behind my ears! (My husband, the someone wonderful was my husband, this is the NHS!!!)
And then it was done! GG kept the scanner on to show me (/reassure me) that the amniotic sac still had clear definition round the edges, and I got a wee photo printout of bubs to add to my collection. Dr. Gordon advised me that due to the sample being taken near to the bottom of my womb, it was more likely that I might have some spotting. All the paperwork does warn that you're likely to have some spotting, and also some cramping afterwards, so it wasn't unexpected to hear that. Then was allowed to empty my very full bladder. We made our way very very very very (very) slowly to the car. I did go into the hospital shop for a treat, but decided a treat was not worth the hospital prices! We did go past a Lidl, and I was left in the car while the recommended paracetamol for when the anaesthetic was purchased along with the not so recommended peach loops. Although I was told that I should rest for the next 48 hours and I could have whatever I wanted by Lesley. I stopped myself from telling her that I really wanted a gin!
So the rest of the day was spent on the sofa, napping, television, nothing that will make me either laugh or cry too much. Or anything scary, so basically chat shows and quiz shows. Delightful. I had a call about midday telling me that the lab needed a delivery that there was a delay in receiving, which meant that the early result (looking at the major chromosome disorders, 13, 18, and 21.) might not be available on Thursday, so I may get it on Friday. The full microarray, that will show the full spread of baby's chromosomes, might take around 2 weeks or more. With the chromosomes affected by the husband's BT being 4:13, and trisomy 13 one of the common trisomies that they look at for the early result, I'm hoping the early result puts my mind a bit at ease. However I know I need to wait for the full microarray before I can properly relax. Another thing that will help me properly relax is the pain and cramps going away; although I knew to expect it, it's still disconcerting and worrying.
The strangest thing about it though, is that each morning, the bump shrinks because the muscles had had a rest, and each evening it's bigger as the muscles get tired. Straight after the procedure, the bump had popped right out! My tummy muscles had decided that being stabbed with a ten inch needle was as much as they were willing to take!
And now, we wait.
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