15 March 2019

15 March 2019

Preliminary results came in for the CVS. I had a phone call at 15:48, it was Lesley, the senior midwife who had been there for the CVS procedure. She advised that the baby had two copies of each of chromosomes 13, 18, and 21. The QFPCR (I had to google it... Quantitative fluorescent polymerase chain reaction) results are the early results that just look at the common trisomy chromosomes. So yeah, the best news we could hope for at that stage. I have looked into how they perform QFPCR, from some very quick googling, and it seems that it highlights where 13 is, so there should be two and no more. I'm hoping that it would show a partial trisomy, and again, some quick googling and reading of three or four scientific papers has told me that some partial trisomies have been picked up in the past by the test. So there's that...

By 24 March 2019 I was getting more and more stressed about the results, I had avoided going to my usual exercise class on the Thursday night, usually a massive stress relief for me, but I couldn't face it. I had avoided coaching on the Saturday, mostly because I couldn't face it, and also because I had an assignment due on the Monday morning as part of my Catholic Teaching Certificate. So the Sunday, I was pretty stressed. I had barely slept all week, I wanted all of the chocolate and all of the wine and none of the healthy food that my husband was preparing for me. Unfortunately there's a limit to how much caffeine you can have during pregnancy so I couldn't have that much chocolate, and definitely couldn't have the wine! I couldn't focus on my assignment either, and writing it was going really badly.

The hub was out that Sunday night, a semi-leaving do, as he was moving locations with work. So I had to go to pick him up, and probably could have finished my assignment in the time that it took to get him and two others, and drop the additions home before heading home ourselves for about 22:30. It wouldn't have been very good though. I had a massive meltdown that night. I felt quite guilty about having that meltdown, he'd come in from a lovely night out, he had booze in his system, and there I was crying and snotting all over the place about how I couldn't do it anymore, there was too much stress coming at me from all angles, I couldn't cope, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do it anymore. I'm not sure what my alternative was, but there you go. I made the decision that I was far too stressed to go to placement the following day, or to finish my assignment that night. I knew it was due at midday, so I had time in the morning to tidy it up. Once I calmed down I did write more, but when I re-read it I realised that it made absolutely no sense, and therefore it made no sense for me to continue with it then. So off I went to bed, with the plan that I would get up, phone school to say I wouldn't be there, contact uni for the same, finish my assignment and submit it, and then, and only then would I phone the hospital to chase for results.

25 March 2019

I handed that assignment in at 11:08, and at 11:13 I called the hospital. A phone call that lasted 7 minutes.

The person who answered the phone initially said that CVS results would be available that afternoon. I then asked to clarify that my results would definitely be part of that, I said that when I had my preliminary results I was told the full results would be "at the end of next week, or early the following" and as it was already early the following I just really wanted to know if I was going to get them that day, or the Tuesday, or the Wednesday... She asked me to hold for a moment and passed me on to the midwife on the ward at the time. The midwife said that she had not initially realised I was calling for full results (most people who have CVS don't do it for the same reasons we did, and the full karyotype just gives extra information, but they've already had the good news.) She asked me my name, and explained that she would have to log in to another email to get that information. I wasn't surprised at that, I used to work in admin, and all the different generic emails make sense, but can at times be frustrating. So it took her a while to get that opened, then scroll through the emails to find one relating to me. I was in the living room at the time, sat on the sofa with my laptop next to me. When she asked me to repeat my name and confirm my date of birth I realised that she had the information there... Terrified and excited and nervous were three of about one hundred emotions coursing through my body at that stage. As I walked through the living room door she said she needed to read it to herself before explaining it to me; I stumbled up the stairs, and through our bedroom door to my husband, as I heard and repeated the news that our baby does not have any chromosome issues inherited from it's father. No un-balanced translocation, no balanced translocation. Baby has two full glasses of lemonade, and two full glasses of beer. The relief. It's hard to put into words.

I cried and laughed down the phone, she sounded quite pleased to be able to give me that information (funny that!) and told me that I should relax and have whatever I wanted, be treated by the husband. I told her I really wanted a glass of wine! Her response to that was great... "well, I can't really recommend that, but maybe a glass of fruit juice in a wine glass?" I laughed and told her it wasn't the same, but I might have a tonic water with a slice of lime and pretend like there's gin in it.

Since finding that information out it has been very surreal. It's coming to terms with being pregnant all over again. It's looking over each of our scan photos and getting excited seeing them. It's starting to look at maternity clothes (and not before time, more than half my clothes are ridiculously uncomfortable already!) I screamed when I got off the phone, I cried a lot of happy tears that afternoon. My body had no idea what had hit it. It was definitely the right decision to take the day off placement.

As the stress lifted, the following day, I developed a headache at about lunchtime. I was able to take a few painkillers and got through the afternoon ok, but as I drove home that evening it got so. much. worse. I have never had a migraine like it. We had dinner, which I barely ate. I wanted more food, but when I went into the kitchen I decided I didn't. I wanted a cup of proper tea, but when I went into the kitchen I decided I felt too ill, and I needed tea with ginger in it instead. The husband left for nightshift as I was finishing my tea. The migraine showed no signs of shifting, despite the nap, the food, the liquids, the lack of movement. I made my way towards my bed, and I think the action of walking upstairs changed something, and I felt really close to throwing up. (I very very rarely throw up.) I was so scared that because of the stress release my body was suddenly going to develop severe pregnancy sickness. Because you know, pregnancy logic... Anyway, I threw up a tiny bit, walked back and forward to my bedroom a few times, then properly threw up. Then I felt amazing. Don't get me wrong, I still had a pounding headache, but throwing up that chicken biryani left me able to move my head from side to side again! I emptied the bedroom bin and put that by my bed and had the best nights sleep I had had in months.

Once that migraine disappeared entirely (it took until about Thursday) I felt amazing. It still feels a little bit surreal. I mean I've only truly been able to accept that I might have a baby this year for about a week. You know those women who don't find out until they're already into their second trimester and they have less time to get their head round the idea of a tiny human totally reliant on them? Yeah, that's me. I knew, but until I got the full CVS results, I didn't know.

I'm going to miss those weekly scans.