2 June 2017

I had a difficult week. I had a message from a friend, asking if I was free for a phone call on Monday. I wasn't, but I was on Tuesday.

Our conversation started with her asking me how I was, and I started off by giving the polite response; I forgot who I was talking to, I knew she actually wanted to know. So I revised my answer, I was mostly the polite response, but with some days a little harder. I explained what information we had at that point, and told her we were looking at IVF. We had a bit of a general chat, then she got round to why she was really calling! I think I had sort of guessed as I was explaining the technical side of a balanced translocation, but when she started talking about normal life stuff, I thought maybe she was just calling for a catch up! In the end, I excitedly announced that she was pregnant, rather than her telling me. I was really happy for her, and really happy to hear the news. She and her husband married the year before us, in May; it was almost expected. I coped very well with the news, but of course I was a little sad for us.

Three days later, I had the day off work to teach aerial. Except the booking was never confirmed and in the end didn't take place, but I kept my day off as we were having a fire-pit party the following day (otherwise known as a BBQ, for people who have built a campfire in their back garden.) I was up and about, doing bits and pieces, and lifted my phone, to see a notification of a number of messages in a conversation, the first one I read saying "congratulations, when is baby due?" So even if my other friend had chosen to sugar coat the news, or dilute it somehow, I found out through reading the response of our other friend.

When I think about it, there is no way I would want anyone to dilute their own happiness to prevent me from feeling bad! My friend earlier in the week had been nervous about telling me, and I told her not to be silly, as I could only wish happiness on my friends.

With all the love in the world for my friends, and their wonderful news; it was a stark reminder of how much more difficult it had become for my husband and I to share the same news.

I am waiting to be able to work towards being able to share the same news, however I'm also aware that it might not happen for us. I'm still able to find joy in something every day, and I am able to hope for the future.