8 August 2017

I saw a show at the Edinburgh Fringe on 8 August 2017, "Lou Conran: I Love Lou C". I read an article in the BBC magazine that she had written that led me to book the show.

I knew her story before she started, so I knew it was not going to be a laugh a minute show. She wove such an interesting tale of her life, without really going into her miscarriage until about halfway through; but having mentioned incidents that happened after it at the start of the show!

It was lovely. Really nice to hear her story, hear the differences, and the similarities. The best part was laughing, laughing with her.

There were some differences though. Her struggle to get pregnant at first was due to a lack of the sex. (As she put it.) The gentlemen callers who were not so gentlemanly. The almost barren ovaries. Then a surprise pregnancy with someone who she had not been with that long. (Including a story about coconut oil that it would not be possible to re-create!)

She was informed at the second anomaly scan that her baby was "incompatible with life". She said she was unable to connect it until she was told that the baby was a girl. She told of how she thought it was not serious, that it was a joke. She surrounds her life with jokes, so I think it was probably a craving for the familiar.

I think a comedy show with a story about losing your child isn't going to be a barrel of laughs, that much is clear. She put a side to the story of loss that was from someone who had always wanted children, discovered it was unlikely, come to terms with that, had a surprise pregnancy, only for it to be taken away again.

It happens so often, to so many people. It's hard to talk about. It is why I created this blog; I can't share this a thousand times verbally, but I can share it as many as a person cares to read it. I can talk about what I have written; with anyone who has read it. It's easier to share it this way, than not to share it at all.

Of course, my story is a little different to some other miscarriage stories, that makes it hard at times. How different our family plans have become. However I think that we will have a family, It is just that I am impatient for it to happen now. As Lou C found out, the later you leave it, the harder it gets!